Down the rabbit hole

I have neglected my blog and that is not cool. Things this year have not been the greatest and my depression is wreaking havoc on my personal life. I switched from working on Midnight's Rising to shorter FanFic on Wattpad, Link below. Work on MR is pretty much stopped and that's OK. It took ten years...more in fact to write The Midnight Within. I will come back around to it eventually. I have been in a pretty dark place and feel stuck. I made some decisions that were great for me but they also made it impossible for me to do something I have always dreamed about..Self sabotage anyone? Not sure I should even talk about it but that why I love blogging. Sooooooooo.....

A few months ago I learned that my friends Grey and Billy were going to get married in New Orleans and was told by hubby that we couldn't go. I was crushed and even though I know full well we have too much debt and I blamed him for not caving and just getting us tickets. I was really upset until I found out that, Palaye Royale was going out on tour with Halestorm and Beasto Blanco. I texted my best friend and she agreed to drive us to Bismark to attend the concert. The awesome thing was that I got to see my other bestie, Kasie. Despite declaring that I would cry on their shirts because my mother had passed 20 years ago the same month, I did not. So after buying my Bismark tickets I found out that my other favorite band was coming to Fargo. I will always kick myself for not going to MIW's VIP when ghost was still in the band and there are just some bands and people you should never pass up the chance to see and meet. Feeling down about everything, I jumped on the chance to go see MIW and my sister Jenny decided to come up and go with me. So i got to spend time with my sister for a weekend, Let's just say that hubby is probably still mad at me for charging two concerts and VIP. My sister and Kasie did pay me back so I was not spending as much as it seemed. I went to the MIW VIP alone and was the last person to go in. Of course I couldn't find any words..LOL The writer....tongue tied.

So I did it. Bucket list item done. We had a good time even if we were unable to stay and had to leave the venue before I could talk to anyone after. A week later I was headed to Bismarck to see my other bands. We got there the night before and had a good time with Kat's friend Angie, We all have that person in our lives that you have to tolerate right. The one you have to like because she's a friend of your friend. Well Angie is that friend to me but I do like her and wish things were better for her. I got stuck bar hopping in Mandan. Got asked to dance a million times buy the 70 year old farmers and just wanted to be at the hotel..LOL

There are a million tiny details I should have done and didn't. I should have bought flowers to take to the venue, Should have asked my sister for something to give Emerson and forgot. Should have put the coat that I want to give him in Kasie's car and left it in Cat's at the hotel instead. Should have had Kasie take me over there to get it...LOL Couldn't find any Chartreuse to buy, but Seb liked the fireball six pack I did get.

Now my first VIP ever was the Nov show in Minneapolis. It was Emerson's birthday the day after and also Thanksgiving. The boys had been sick and things went wrong there too. Kasie and I somehow ended up at the front of the line for this VIP. Everyone was scared.haha. I had gotten Rem a cup and Jax had made his this cute Birthday sign. Oh yeah, it was also Rem's 25th birthday. I got them socks and made Emerson a necklace, of course I didn't even ask him later if he liked it. I also should have asked him to write something on my arm so I could get a tattoo and didn't. They were sooooo sweet and I made sure to hug Rem super hard since I didn't really hug him at the Nov show because of how sick he had been. VIP and the Q&A were awesome. I got over excited and was probably annoying the others. Yes, I am that girl that doesn't know when to shut up and when I get excited it's worse.

After the VIP, Kasie and I went to her house and I got to see their new trailer and her mom. I love and miss them so much. We then went back to the Venue and got right up front. Cat and Angie were not even in the building when the concert started and we actually didn't find them until Halestom started, So we switched spots and Kasie and I went to get merch after Palaye's set. Rem and Emerson were out meeting people again so we got to talk to them more and got a pic with both, Kasie and I in it. Now, Kasie had gone to Fargo the night before with her sister to see, PINK in concert. I had a mini heart attack when I found that out. I thought she was going to miss our VIP. She didn't, but she was tired and didn't want to see most of Halestorm so we ended up talking with Austin, Palaye's Merch guy, who of course was at the same hotel we were at and I didn't realize this until later. Some of the Beasto guys were also at our hotel, Anway, Kasie bought me a shirt and we ended up leaving the venue early. In all it was a good weekend. Cat and I ended up going to Kasie's before we left town and the drive was good, going there and back. I also had a heart attack when I saw my ex husband standing behind us, and when I went to get money for beer he was standing at the top of the steps. He didn't recognize me and If he did he didn't show it. I beelined away from him because I he was the last person i wanted to talk to.

Now that I have returned home and have post concert depression. I have also been sick for a week and working though most of my illness. Next up is Jax birthday, My birthday and my anniversary. We are broke of course so won't be doing much. Maybe taking Jax to the zoo on Sat. Time to start saving for the next round of concerts and paying off some debt. Sorry this blog was so long. It's something I will have good memories about and I don't regret doing it. Cat has taken a Job in Dallas and who know's when I will see Kasie again or the boys for that matter. ND is a gas stop for bands or we end up with the same five older hair bands that I have seen a million times.

My best advice as I end this is to go out and enjoy the stuff that makes you happy. Meet the people you want to and don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong or wasteful or nuts. Don't let others bring you down. Do things when your young and flexible..LOL and live a life of no regrets!